It doesn't matter how fast or slow your journey goes, just make sure it continues, and doesn't stop...
I had done it. I'd finally hit rockbottom. After months of psychological abuse, I finally felt like it was well and truly over.
The words... "you're useless"
"you can't look after one kid, how will you look after two?"
"no one else will put up with your crap"
they could no longer hurt me...
I was alone. Well, sort of. I still had two kids aged 4 months and a toddler not yet two.
But where was Melissa? Or rather, WHO was Melissa?
Maybe I never really knew the answer to those questions before. All I knew at that point was I was empty. I called myself a dead man walking. With no personality, no joy, no happiness, no laughter, no passion, no interests.
I felt trapped in a life I didn't want. I felt like there was no future for me and my children. All I could see was the struggle, poverty, and sadness.
As I lay in my room one night I cried. I cried for all I had lost. I cried for being alone. I cried because I felt like no mother should have to raise two small kids on her own. Especially not at 24.
I felt angry the father was off doing who knows what whenever he wanted, he didn't have to pick up any of these shattered pieces. He could go and use his drugs until all hours of the night every day of the week. And his kids and I would miss out on the person I thought he would be - the father of my beautiful babies. I wondered what would happen.
Sadly, I thought to myself, "who will love me, I'm 24 with two babies..."
I thought I was trapped in a life of solo parenting hopelessness
I honestly thought I had lost the possibilities.
I had lost my dreams, my hope, my future.
Something told me, if I chose to do nothing, if would be choosing to remain in a state of lingering depression and misery, my life would never really improve. I was compelled to make a change. I didn't want to become a bitter, angry woman. I decided I to rebuild myself with happiness, warmth and love. I went to the library and bought home books. Transformation, Law of Attraction, Meditation, Happiness, Parenting.
As I began to practice my new found rituals, I grew my strength, I grew my happiness. I discovered goals and dreams and self value. I walked around the house repeating, "My life is awesome", feeling like a complete and total moron. I remember one day scooping baby poo from the bath chanting, "my life is awesome", and I laughed, I realised things were changing. Within a few months a light started to shine in, my life was becoming awesome.
I started planning a business, and I enjoyed every moment. I loved the planning, the drawing, the ideas. I loved pulling it all together, I loved juggling the numbers. I loved working out how I could make my idea work. Back then, my timing was off, I didn't realise the amount of work (hours during the night) I'd have to put in to build myself a bar and nightclub... So I put it on the back burner. But my life had come alive, I could finally see a glimpse of what was to come my way! I realised I did have opportunities, there was something out there for me, and even though I was a single mum, I could still dream of an amazing future.
I drove 1200kms to find my peace and tranquility. When I reached Cape Reinga (Far North, NZ), I felt the spirit in me come alive. A little (rather loud) voice inside my head told me I had gone through my experiences for a reason. I was on this journey to help others.
On my journey home, I called in to a small town called Paihia. It was a town I'd dreamed of living in since I was 13. My self limiting belief was, I could only live there if I was rich. However my heart was drawn there in a powerful way. The skies were dark, the weather forecast was rain for the next few days.
As I sat on the perfect little beach, in front of the perfect little playground, I set about changing my life's trajectory. I said, "If I wake up to a beautiful day tomorrow, I will move here and trust everything will turn out fine". Sure enough, I woke to a perfect day and my decision was made.
After being told why I shouldn't or couldn't move six hours away, I arrived to Paihia without a home less than three weeks later. Despite the real estate agents telling me there was no chance I would get a home in the small town, I discovered "Paradise View", a home with the most incredible view at a price I could afford. I moved in two days later.
I felt like I was moving with intention and purpose for the first time in my life. It was incredible.
I quickly learned all that I could be. I started writing my book. I saw travellers daily who inspired my travel dreams. I realised I could, and decided I would travel with my children. I realised the business I had always dreamed of, was only a decision away.
Yet, for some reason, the puzzle wasn't complete. I thought my life was perfect, I was finally at ease with my single mother status. I was living in peace and happiness. So of course, life threw me a curve ball. A man.
A long story short, we did a long distance relationship for eight months, then me and my kids sold up, packed up and jumped on a plane to Sydney. I was on a real high, filled with love and opportunity. But because we were now a family living in one of the most expensive cities in the world, I decided to get a job. Which wasn't really on the cards before, but it was Sydney...
I worked, studied and saved. After saving to set up our home, then saving to travel for 5 weeks around Europe, then saving for a wedding and another trip home, I woke up and realised I was STUCK, yet again.
I knew I had to find a goal and move toward it, and I knew the goal had to ensure my life had NO MORE MEDIOCRE.
I discussed with my husband, and he agreed, we would save for two years and move to SPAIN!?! This was early 2015, and later that year I fell pregnant, which pushed our dream back a bit (only because I desperately wanted to travel back to NZ for a homebirth, and that was a two month 'baby birth/holiday' experience)...
After returning to Australia and working through my sleep deprivation, I noticed another opportunity. My future was staring me in the face. I could either get a part time job and contribute to saving, or I could stay home and wait out the days until our move, or I could take a risk and start the business I had always dreamed of.
I had my experiences, I'd written my book, I had earned my degree, I had worked the right jobs, I had a life that had led me to this point.
Never was not an option, but I did recognise if I didn't start my business, there was this possibility we'd arrive in Spain, chew through our savings in 18 months and be back at square one.
I'd made my choice. NO mediocre existence for me. I registered my ABN and my business and that was it. I recognised my tendency to procrastinate and took money from our savings to invest in myself by joining a entrepreneurship mentoring program, I'd made a decision for me, my family and my future.
This decision was made with the certainty that my business would have its ups and downs, it wouldn't be easy 100% of the time, I would have to work hard to get it off the ground...
But it would give us freedom, it would give us independence and it would be rewarding and fulfilling because I'd be helping other women build their freedom business, I'd be helping them create better futures for themselves and their families.
I am here to inspire with love through my books and the work I do with social good organisations. I'm thrilled to be involved with the change makers of the world, and I'm even more excited to create organisations with purpose.
I'm here to assist women develop their social good business strategy and vision. Let's change the world with the big visions that create big impact.
If you made it this far, WOW... You deserve a medal!!
All I have left to say is:
Make the most of the time you are given, always move forward toward your goals. It doesn't matter how fast or slow your journey goes, just make sure it continues, and doesn't stop.
So what is it you want to do with your life? Mediocre, or something bigger than yourself?? If you are moved to do something amazing, if you are moved to create an amazing organisation.... What are you waiting for???
Book a call with me and get moving forward, today. x
Over the past few months I've discovered the most wonderful non profit organisation, PrepairNZ. The mission of this organisation is to "help prevent domestic abuse in Aotearoa by teaching young girls about healthy relationships, mental & emotional abuse and self-love."
When I learned about the organisation, I fell in love with it. The values are so beautiful. Half of all book profits will be donated to this AMAZING organisation.
Find out more about this book and how you can support Prepair NZ by clicking here.
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